


Balance Sundered

by Sakurafox666



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Bondage, Drug Addiction, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Medical Kink, Nipple Play, Rough Sex, Sounding, it's there for plot, medical procedures with no actual knowledge of medicine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakurafox666/pseuds/Sakurafox666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern setting where Lyrium is the hottest drug out there. Too bad it kills people. Cullen volenteers at a rehab facility and can't help but pay attention to the newest patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Infection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493067) by [Reavv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reavv/pseuds/Reavv). 



> Disclaimer: I know NOTHING about medicine or how clinics treat addicts, my entire knowledge stems from watching House MD so any medical jargon is purely made to fit the story and in no way reflects real life.

* * *

Cullen opened his locker, or rather he tried, but his fingers just fumbled uselessly with the lock. He had a strong urge to bang his head on the thin metal door, but settled for resting it gently on the cool steel and heaving a tired sigh. He dreaded today; wished more than anything he could run back to his part-time job at the coffee shop and waste his time making minimum wage with teenagers still in high school. A sad existence for an overqualified thirty year-old but preferable than what he was about to do.

One of the nurses poked her head into the employee's room and bit her lip at seeing Cullen. "I know it's a lot to ask but you’re the only one he responds too. We wouldn't have called if it wasn't serious."

"I know, Cassandra and I appreciate it." Cullen responded truthfully. The well-built and tough woman in front of him could usually handle anyone, even the biters, but this was a special case. Cassandra nodded and turned to leave, but Cullen didn't miss the hesitance in her eyes. All the nurses thought he was fighting for a lost cause, but Cullen was nothing if not a resolute soul.

Who wished he was more of a coward so he could run away and not feel guilty.

Cullen shook his head and pushed away from his locker, opening it was grabbing his pale beige scrubs. He volunteered as often as possible at a rehabilitation center, and normally he loved it; he loved helping people pull back from the brink of collapse and regain control of their lives. Until two weeks ago when his life had been turned on its head.

A normal day, he had thought. Cullen and Cassandra had been milling by the front desk that afternoon, talking to their burly but kind security officer, Blackwall.

"Varric thinks funding might get cut again," Cassandra said morosely. She spoke of their boss, the man who ran the clinic in honor of his late brother who died of an overdose. It was a sad tale, but the outcome of a free clinic to help others from having the same fate hopefully eased his pain. The facility lived off of donations and state funding and there was always the threat of loosing it.

"No one is better at garnering funding than the Administrator," Blackwall replied. He stood with his massive arms crossed and truly looked imposing, but it was just his resting face.

"I agree, Cass. We pull through every year." Cullen tried to reassure her. "He'll make it work."

"I wish I could have your optimism," Cassandra huffed.

"It helps that my livelihood isn't on the line. People will always need coffee." That got a few chuckles from both his coworkers. It was then the front door had slid open and a man staggered in. It was a walk everyone in the building knew well; the desperate stumble of a person trying to walk without the shaking in their hands showing, trying to keep their eyes focused without appearing too jittery. It was the walk of a person going through the first stages of withdrawal and at the end of their rope. The man nearly collapsed at the front desk and had to brace himself against the edge with both his hands.

"Shit," Cassandra cursed under her breath. "Haven't seen one that bad in awhile." Cullen privately had to agree.

The man's eyes were completely bloodshot, to the point where it looked like something might have ruptured. His skin was sickly pale color that showed angry red lines underneath and was so sunken that it stretched painfully over his bones. He had the telltale makes of a premature receding hairline that some drugs had a side effect of, what was left of his hair was filthy and oily with neglect. His fingers shook violently from where he had his death grip on the tables, his clothes were too loose and did a poor job of concealing how thin he was, barely able to support him. When he pulled back his lips to speak Cullen could see the yellow stains around his teeth and, worse yet, the blood around his gums and he knew with a cold dread what the man had been on.

"A duster, hmm?" Blackwall grunted, keeping a careful eye on the man as he talked with the startled girl at the front desk.

"Lyrium users are a rare sight here," Cassandra agreed. "They don't usually turn themselves in. The dust just eats them up from the inside out. I'm shocked he's even standing." Cullen didn't respond, too caught in past horrors to really hear her. He was snapped out of it when the man turned towards the three of them, pale brown eyes locking onto Cullen's. He felt his breath freeze in his chest and tried not to let anything show on his face, a hand coming to rub the back of his neck on instinct.

"You might have to help him to his room." Cassandra broke the tension as she turned to Blackwall. "Merrill looks like she's about to faint in fright."

"She's a sweet thing." Blackwall smiled and lumbered off to the petrified nurse and new patient. The man  flinched away as he came closer, hissing something to the nurse but was cut off as Blackwall clapped a huge hand on his shoulder, nearly knocking him off his feet.

"He's going straight to detox," Cassandra muttered, eyes sharp and calculating. Cullen stirred next to her.

"But—"

"I know we should be trying to wean him off the stuff but if he takes any more dust, even medical grade, it might kill him." She turned her head to Cullen, eyes cold in a way he knew she was detaching herself from the situation. "He might die anyway, and if he doesn't he'll wish he had when the withdrawal comes."

Cullen had seen a few of their patients die before. It was always painful and he had a habit of getting too close to people. He tried to draw inspiration from Cassandra and distance himself from what he was feeling.

"Someone this bad, he'll need actual medical attention. I probably won't see him at all." Cullen was trained to do everything the nurses were, but he didn't have a license so mostly he cleaned, helped the low risk or recovering patients, manned the front desk occasionally, and handed out meds under Cassandra's watchful eyes. Push came to shove and they were down a man, Varric had used Cullen before, but only in dire cases.

"Yes, which means _I'll_ get to do the physical examine and the overnight shifts watching and making sure he doesn't tear his skin off when the pain hits. The _joy_." Sarcasm oozed from Cassandra and Cullen gave a dry chuckle.

"At least you're paid."

Cullen left her to finish the rest of his duties for the day, content to forget about the man with the haunted eyes on the verge of death. His plan worked well for about two hours, after he had finished cleaning most of the rooms and was checking in on a friendly patient, when Morrigan burst into the room unannounced.

"Rutherford," she said curtly, voice like iron. The patient, Anders, practically screamed and tried to hide behind Cullen. Unlike Cassandra, who looked tough and surly but spoke kindly to suffering patients, Morrigan was all ice. She was feared among patients and none dared stand up to her. She had looked hardened drug addicts in the eye and made them cry. Cullen raised his eyebrows in alarm.

"Morrigan?" he asked. "Is something wrong?" He tried to pat Anders on the shoulder and calm his shaking, but it was a lost cause.

"We're having an issue with the new patient," she began immediately. "He refuses to talk to any of us, let alone strip for a physical examination. There's only me, Cass, Merrill, and Wynne here and while I could get Blackwall to hold him down I'd rather avoid that until I know he's not bleeding internally somewhere or carrying a knife on him."

"Alright..." Cullen was still lost. "Did you want _me_ to hold him down instead?" He would probably be more gentle than Blackwall simply because the large man didn't have a lot of control over his strength.

Morrigan tsked and flicked her bangs away from her eyes. " _No_. He asked to see you, he said he'll only talk to you."

"Um, what?" Cullen hoped the blush spreading across his face didn't show. "He doesn't even know me. How did he ask for me?"

"Not by name, moron." Morrigan rolled her eyes. "He asked for the 'skittish-looking blond nurse' and that he'd take you over any one of us 'ugly hags'." Cullen felt his jaw drop and wondered how this man was even still alive after saying words like that to Morrigan.

He narrowed his eyes as a thought struck him. "Wait, since when do _you_ acquiesce to a patient's demands?" Morrigan looked more upset that Cullen had pointed this out and her face became stormy, so much that Anders started to cry.

"Because _unfortunately_ he has a right to ask to be seen by someone of the same gender and since Solas won't be back until next week you're the only other man we have with something close to a medical degree."

"I don't actually have—"

"Move. _Now_."

"Yes ma'am." Cullen leapt to his feet and marched out the door, waving goodbye to Anders—who was still sobbing as Morrigan sent him a look of death—before walking down the hall to where the exam room was. The raven-haired woman was at his side instantly.

"He must be something to have _you_ riled up," Cullen commented absently.

"Merrill's in tears, Cassandra wants to punch him, and Wynne is severely disapproving of his behavior."

"Won't one of you still have to oversee the examination?" He couldn't sign off on any of the paperwork.

"We'll see what the stubborn git allows." Morrigan seethed as they came up to the room and she slammed open the door. The only people left were Wynne and Blackwall, both with frowns on their faces as the man causing all the trouble sat on the examination table, arms crossed and daring anyone to come closer. "You're lucky I don't have Blackwall strap you down and we just cut off your clothes." Morrigan snarled, loath to idea that the patient had gotten what he wanted.

"He's not my type," the man grunted, sardonic smile stretching the skin around his mouth. "Neither are you." Morrigan made a type of strangling gesture and Cullen had to fight back a smile.

"Do you agree to having Cullen do the examination?" Wynne gently interrupted. She may be upset but she rarely raised her voice. "He's the only male attendant here today so if you refuse then we will have to take matters into our own hands."

"I said the scrawny one would do, weren't you listening you old bat."

"I'm not scra—" Cullen looked down at his arms. He _had_ muscle, it was just lean and didn't show that much.

"Now one of us will still have to oversee the examination," Wynne explained through gritted teeth. "As he's just an attendant and not a registered nurse—"

"Are you daft?" the man spat at her. "I said I only want him to look me over, the rest of you can just wait outside, I'm not giving a free show here."

"Like you have anything we want to see." Morrigan shot right back. Cullen buried his head in a hand and waited for the storm to subside. His thinning patience finally snapped when Morrigan order Blackwall to start forcefully removing the man's clothes. It was subtle but Cullen saw the silent panic go through the other man's eyes and he quickly stepped forward.

"Alright, before anyone loses an eye, may I say something?" he interjected, stepping between Blackwall.

" _What?_ " Morrigan's voice dripped with deadly venom. Cullen went for the most lenient of their group and turned to Wynne.

"I know it's not standard procedure but if it helps matters I could technically look over him myself. I know what I'm doing and you could be right outside the door in case anything happens. I'll take detailed notes for you to read over and sign off on, no one will have to know you weren't actually in the room." He kept his voice soft and reasonable, appealing to Wynne's strong sense of compassion. She looked between Cullen and the drug addict glaring at her behind him, shivers running through his body.

Wynne gave a soft sigh. "For the sake of...cooperation, I suppose this is what's best."

"Oh for fuck's sake." A vein in Morrigan's forehead throbbed and her eyes burned in fury. "Fine. Just give in. When this turns sour I'll come back to gloat." She spun on her heel and barged out of the room in a swirl of dark hair. Cullen heard the man behind him release a taunt breath of relief.

"She's sometimes too passionate." Wynne apologized.

"Not the word I'd have used," the man muttered and Cullen silently agreed. Wynne handed over her clipboard and patted Cullen gently on the hands.

"And you're too kind." He opened his mouth to reply but she continued. "Blackwall and I will be right outside if you need anything."

"Um...ok." Cullen stood still as his two fellow coworkers cleared out of the room and left him alone with a potentially dangerous person. Maybe he should have let Morrigan have her way.

"Thank god, thought they'd never leave." The man huffed a strained laugh and dragged a shaky hand through his dark hair, wincing at the action. He was putting up a brave front, but Cullen knew it was only a matter of time before he collapsed as his body went into full-blown withdrawal.

"You're already craving your next hit, aren't you?" he asked curtly, tapping a finger on the clipboard. "When was the last time you dosed?" The man's eyes fell to the floor, seemingly trying to bore a hole into the white tile. At first Cullen thought he was avoiding the answer only to realize the man was trying to remember, the clench in his teeth giving away to his frustration.

"I-I don't know, maybe 24 hours? Less? It was night, last I remember, could have been last night but I don't know what today it—"

"Thursday."

"—great but I don't remember the last day before that. Just know it was night and then..." he paused, memories flashing in his eyes but he kept them quiet. "Next thing I know it's day, I came here. Time passed between when I woke up and came here but it's blurry, I don't remember exactly what I did."

Now that part was a lie. Cullen was great at spotting lies. He'd spent a long enough time lying to himself in the mirror to know what it looked like on others, but he didn't press the issue. Time became abstract on Lyrium and a person's internal clock was pretty much destroyed.

"Is it alright if I touch you?" Cullen asked. "I need to just examine your face really quick."

The man shrugged after a moment of hesitation. "Sure." Cullen pulled out a pair of disposable gloves from a supply cart, happy to see most of the man's antagonism had dropped away. He snapped on the gloves and pulled out a pen light, carefully taking the man's chin in one hand and shining the light over each iris.

"Any pain from the light?" he inquired, watching in disappointment as the dilated eyes failed to react.

"Nah, it's awful bright but doesn't hurt." Cullen put the light away and examined the patient's scalp, noting the telltale peeling of skin and patches of missing hair.

"I'm going to assume this," and he ran a finger over the man's receding hairline, "is a recent development?" Cullen could see the slight darkening as new hair tried to grow in the bald spots. That was a good sign, if the man survived his withdrawal and his malnutrition was dealt with the hair would grow back.

"Hnn? Maybe? Don't really pay attention." That was typical too. Cullen nodded and was about to start writing his notes when a empty spot at the top of the page called his attention.

"Oh." He blinked. "What's your name? I'll need it for our records...and so, I can call you by...it." Well, awkward was Cullen's middle name—or so everyone who knew him said, so he played along with it and sent questioning eyes over to his patient. Who for a moment looked like he didn't remember, eyes blank. Well, that was bad. Meant neural damage had already started and was permanent and—

"Samson."

"First or last?" Cullen responded automatically, but inwardly still studied the other.

"Sorry," he seemed to pick up on Cullen's wariness. "Not used to people asking. Haven't said it in a long time and it's my first name."

"Good." And Cullen meant it. Neural damage meant game over, it meant that the person could never live a normal life again. Anders was one of those people. "And last?" He looked up from his clipboard and paused, pen poised.

"I'd rather not say." Samson muttered.

"Fair enough." This wasn't unusual behavior, they were lucky to get most patients first names. It wouldn't matter anyways, Cullen had to take his fingerprints as part of the initiation process. He went back to examining Samson's face and noted the dark circles under his eyes, tinged with red. "Show me your teeth," he asked and held back a wince as Samson pulled his lips back and revealed bleeding gums. His teeth, while not perfect or pearly white were fine, but his gums were cracked open and in a few areas bled freely.

"You take the red, don't you?" Cullen sighed and felt Samson stir next to him. Red Lyrium came in crystals that literally ate away at a person's body, starting with their gums it cut into as a person chewed them. It was far stronger than the blue liquid version that was sold on black markets.

Samson didn't answer Cullen but he didn't have to. At the mention of _red_ his eyes had sharpened dramatically and his body had broken out into a sweat, the tremble in his hands spread throughout Samson's entire body.

Cullen rubbed the bridge of his nose as he scribbled down < _Patient confused, unsure when last dose was taken. Anywhere from 12-48 hours based on eye dilation. From deterioration of gums, patent has been taking red crystals of raw product, from loss of hair and state of body estimation of drug use around five years._ >

"Alright," he said, sitting back in his chair. Samson was leaning forward looking down at Cullen's notes but the blond wasn't worried; in his drug-addled state Samson probably couldn't read a single word of it. "This is the tricky part, depending on your reaction."

"Y' need to see the goods, right?" A crude smile curled at Samson's lip and Cullen rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I need you to remove your clothes. Please."

"Cavity search, right?" Samson sneered as he shrugged off his tattered jacket and started to lift off his shirt. He arms began shaking though and Cullen was forced to help. What he saw was of no surprise; bright red veins ran up and down Samson's arms and chest towards his heart. Although not quiet skin and bones, he was very close, just the barest amount of muscle stretched underneath his pale skin. Dark bruises covered his body and Cullen scratched down the location in his notes, vivid bruising was an uncommon but not unheard of side-effect.

"Been getting into fights, I see." He commented mildly and eyed the worst of the bruises along Samson's neck and wrists critically.

"Fucker wouldn't give me what I'd paid for." Samson explained with another shrug. "Bit me on the neck too, look!" He tilted his head to the side so Cullen could examine the swollen bite mark on his left shoulder.

"That looks pretty recent," Cullen commented, "did that happen when you were trying to get your last dose?"

"I...guess? Was that from the last hit?" More confusion, again Cullen remained unsurprised. From Samson's standpoint what happened last night could be something he thought happened weeks ago and vice versa.

"It's alright," Cullen assured him. "Pants now." Samson froze and Cullen knew where his guilt lie. "If you've got drugs hidden on you I _will_ find them, but you won't get in trouble. It's expected, we find some on about half the patients who come here."

"I came to get _clean_." Samson hissed with unexpected fire, harshly tugging off his jeans. "Why would I keep stuff on me?"

"You came in a single moment of clarity or desperation." Cullen responded gently, trying to keep Samson calm. "It probably wasn't planned and you know there's that part of you that would do anything for the next hit. Sometimes people don't even remember that they hid drugs on or in themselves. It's why we have to check, so you don't get hurt."

"Means one of those bitches is gonna be watching me while I take shit, doesn't it?" Samson bit out and tossed his jeans aside, standing completely nude in from of Cullen. The thing about being a nurse—attendant— _someone_ working in healthcare—was that he didn't even register it.

"On the days I'm here, I can take over that task if you'd feel more comfortable." He responded absently as he checked over Samson's abdomen, pressing gently to feel for swelling and looking over for skin discoloration. His legs and feet were of little concern and Cullen just briefly looked over his penis, although pausing and running a finger along an angry red vein that stood out from the rest of the man's flaccid member.

Cullen didn't miss the sharp intake of breath from Samson or the way he clutched the examination table. Troubled, he inspected the man's testicles as well, rolling them carefully in his fingers and relieved to find no red veins. He withdrew his hands and blinked when a whine slipped out of Samson's throat.

"Sorry," the man quickly apologized and Cullen realized he'd grown half hard at his ministrations. His face burned as Cullen gave a pathetic cough and turned back to his notes. He was a professional dammit.

"No, it happens more often than you'd think," he quickly assured Samson. "Have you had any pain around your groin area? When you urinate or have sex?"

"Um...no?" Samson still looked a bit dazed and shook his head. "W-why?"

"This," and Cullen pointed to the vein standing out along his shaft, "is not a good sign. I've seen worse, though. You're lucky you came in when you did." That still remained to be seen but Cullen didn't want to dash any hopes for Samson.

"What's it mean?" And Samson gingerly touched himself, as if afraid he may do something wrong. He looked deeply concerned and Cullen felt a wave of sympathy.

"Just means that the Lyrium in spreading too far, and staying within the blood. It'll eventually crystallize and then the only way to remove it is surgery or amputation." Samson blanched and paled even further, close to fainting. "That's why it's good you came now!" Cullen hastened to assure him. "We're going to try and clear all the lyrium from your system so it'll never come to that."

"Right." Samson didn't look entirely convinced and Cullen didn't blame him. He turned back to the man twirled his hand. Samson's face became guarded and he grew tense.

"I have to do a cavity search, I'm sorry," Cullen said. "If not me then one of the others will do it. Your choice, remember?"

"Yeah, just..." This was a common reaction and Cullen gave Samson as much time as he needed to come to terms with it. "I—fuck it." Samson groaned and turned around, bending over the table.

"I'll be quick, I promise." Cullen tried to sooth and pulled out a bottle of warming gel, spreading it generously across his gloved fingers. "If you do feel any sharp pain though, you _must_ let me know."

"Yeah, yeah, hurry it up." Samson shifted his hips, a blush of his own gracing his face, although a darker red than normal and blotchy in certain areas. Cullen nodded and slid his hand down, fingers pressing carefully at the man's entrance before pushing in with little resistance.

That wasn't right. Cullen frown and twisted his fingers, feeling around. The muscles that clenched around him were...too loose. Either Samson recently had had incredibly rough sex or—

"So you did store drugs in yourself." Cullen sighed. Samson stayed quiet. "Your own stash or did you transport?" He pushed in deeper, searching for anything left over. Usually small bags taped in plastic wrap.

"Does it matter?"

"I suppose not." Cullen curled his fingers and stretched out one last time. Satisfied that Samson didn't have anything dangerous on his person and he wasn't bleeding internally. Cullen started to retract and pull out, brushing over a bump and Samson gasped, hips buckling. "S-sorry—"

" _Shit, don't stop_." Samson begged and grabbed Cullen's wrist, stopping him from removing his fingers completely. " _Please_." Begging tumbled easily from his lips and Cullen swallowed hard. Samson shifted again and he could clearly see the man's hardened erection pressing against the edge of the table. Cullen was a _professional_ for fuck's sake.

"Y-you're my patient, I can't—"

"Make me feel good then." Samson slurred, pressing Cullen's fingers back into him. "Fuck, you're so gentle. Need more. Just a little please."

"I can't." Cullen ripped his hand away and Samson nearly sobbed, hands clenching until his knuckles were white. "I'd be taking advantage of you and I can't—"

"Then I'll go first." Samson refused to let him finish any sentences as he stood up and backed Cullen into the wall, sinking to his knees and starting to pull Cullen's waistband down. Oh hell no.

"This stops _now_." Cullen wasn't the strongest man, but he easily lifted Samson up and pushed him away, holding steady to keep him from moving around. Samson shook violently in his arms, eyes too bright and red creeping into them.

"Just gonna fucking leave me like this?" Cullen knew it was the drugs or maybe the withdrawal talking. Samson's behavior was too erratic to be anything else. "Please, I just _need_ this. Give me this control—its all about to be stripped from me anyway."

"Sam—"

"I'm not getting my signals crossed, some part of you _wants_ this."

"Oh god," Cullen shook his head and tried to think of something that would get through to Samson. "Even if I did want you, it wouldn't be like this." God, he was talking to a deranged crazy person like this? He should just be yelling for Blackwall, why wasn't he?

"This is all I am." Samson surged forward with unexpected strength and crashed his mouth against Cullen's. They both gasped but Samson swallowed all the sounds as he desperately kissed Cullen, tasting of blood. Cullen recoiled and shoved, Samson flew back and belatedly Cullen realized he'd pushed too hard and Samson was going to painfully collide with the metal examination table. Cullen's hand shot out and grabbed Samson's by the waist, keeping him from smashing into the table but the momentum carrying Cullen with him so they both tumbled forward. Cullen caught himself against said table, leaning over Samson who's back was to him, hands splayed across the table, their hips pressed against each other.

"Are you ok?" Cullen asked quickly, worried he'd hurt the other. Samson laughed underneath him, or Cullen thought it was laughter, after another moment he realized the man was sobbing.

"No, I'm not fine." Samson struggled to catch his breath. "I'm a fucking mess."

Cullen pulled away, but just enough so he was right next to Samson. He laid a careful hand on the man's back. "This is going to be painful. You're at your lowest now and that's hard to come to terms with." Cullen hoped he was making sense, hoped his voice and words reached Samson. "But it can get better. It will, I've seen it."

"That old hag's right." Samson grunted through clenched teeth. "You're too fucking kind." Cullen lifted his hand, unsure if it was welcome but at Samson's pained sob he put his hand back down and started rubbing small, soothing circles. They stayed like that for several minutes, until Samson he calmed down and lifted himself up on shaky arms. Cullen noticed his erection had flagged slightly but was still a dark red.

"If you want, there's a bathroom behind that door," he gestured to a little side door. "If you want to take care of..."

"Won't work," Samson sighed miserably. "Haven't been able to get myself off in years. It's probably the dust, acts as an aphrodisiac right?"

"It stimulates some of the same parts of your brain that trigger during sex, yes." Cullen responding, not going into explicit detail of exactly what happens to the body while on red Lyrium. "I'm sorry—"

"Shit, that's my line." Samson didn't meet his eyes. "You're trying to do your job. I'm just too fucking horny over pretty blondes but that's my problem, not yours."

"It's kinda my problem—wait, _pretty?_ " Cullen frowned.

"Yeah, a pretty blonde with nice lips. You've been told that a million times before don't even try lying." Samson's eyes flicked over to Cullen. "Pretty face with kind hands. Rarer than it should be."

"Is that why you wanted me over the others?" Cullen asked, dismayed. "Because I'm...pretty?"

"I'm mean, you're not bad to look at sure, but I wanted you because..." Samson's trembling became more violent and Cullen realized it was in part from the cold and he hastily pulled new scrubs out one of the cupboards and handed them over. "Thanks." Samson jerkily shrugged them on, wincing as fabric brushed over his sensitive cock. "I asked for you because of your eyes."

Oh god. Cullen opened his mouth, fearful of where the conversation was headed but Samson continued.

"Everyone else in this clinic has looked at me in pity, even that cold-hearted bitch, but when you looked at me I saw...understanding." Pale brown eyes looked up to Cullen's golden ones. "Too much understanding even for a nurse. Even after what I just pulled your eyes are still the same."

"I—" Cullen felt his breath grow short and looked away quickly, body growing hot.

"You've gone through this yourself, haven't you?" Cullen thought for a minute he might be hyperventilating, though he wasn't sure why. A brush of fingers across him arm pulled him out of it, Samson's eyes were wary.

"Yes." Cullen felt himself say.

"That's why I picked you." Samson finished quietly.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes.

* * *

The next morning Cullen found himself staring into space over a large bag of dark coffee beans.  
  
“The machine won’t refill itself, Cullen.” Dorian quipped from the cash register. The morning rush was over and the cafe was empty for now. One of the younger employees scurried around wiping down tables. “Oh dear, bad day at the clinic?”  
  
“Hmm?” Cullen pulled himself from his thoughts and looked over at his boss. He and Dorian were the same age (technically Cullen was a few years older and he tried not to think about it) but whereas Cullen was a 30-something barely scraping by on minimum wage and government assistance, Dorian was the successful owner of a coffee shop. They’d had a fling, it had been fun, but they were better friends and Dorian had offered him a job.  
  
“You always get this look on your face,” Dorian swept a hand over his own, “when something rather dramatic happens at that horrid place. Did someone die again?”  
  
“What? No.” Cullen let out a sign. “Christ Dorian, people don’t just drop dead there and it’s not as terrible a place as you imagine.” Dorian seemed loath to the idea of healthcare, more so that Cullen did it without pay.  
  
“So what happened?” His manager turned to him fully, arms crossed. Cullen fiddled with one of his many ear piercings.  
  
“Just a new patient. He’s going to be trouble, I’m pretty sure.”  
  
“There’s new patients all the time, what’s different about this one?”  
  
“I don’t know, he’s…” Dorian knew about his past drug use. “I look at him and I could have been that so easily. It’s…this is so stupid, but—”

  
“You want to save him?” Dorian hid his cleverness well behind sarcasm and feigned disinterest, but there was very little he ever missed. Cullen found his hand rubbing the back of his neck as a blush spread throughout his cheeks.  
  
“I–well, when you say it like that it sounds even worse.” And it sounded totally self-serving. Cullen clenched his teeth, eyes downcast.   
  
Dorian chuckled gently. “I understand the allure.” He uncrossed his arms and turned back to the cash register. “It’s what attracted me to you.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I had this foolish notion to save you, when we got together.” Dorian’s eyes were soft as he looked over his shoulder to the blond. “Little did I know, you needed no such help. You saved yourself.”  
  
“I…” That’s not what had happened in Cullen’s mind but the rush of emotion he got from Dorian’s words made his head spin. He was also fairly certain his face had become a deep shade of red. “Th-that’s very kind of you to say.”  
  
“It’s simple truth, darling. You wear modesty a bit too well.” Dorian’s eyes sharpened as a customer wandering into the cafe and he put on his most charming smile. “Be careful where you place your concerns, though.”  
  
“You’re not the first to tell me so.” Cullen assured him and lifted the large coffee bag, pouring it slowly into the grinder as Dorian went into business mode with the customer. He blew out a sigh as his thoughts turned back to the clinic and Samson.

* * *

 

"There you are," was Morrigan's greeting several days later. Cullen rolled his eyes, a habit he'd picked up from Dorian. "Have fun on your vacation?"  
  
"It's not a vacation, I was working my real job. That pays."  
  
"Hmph," Morrigan disdained his other job, viewing retail as a sub par profession. Thankfully Cullen had stopped caring what she thought years ago.  
  
"How've things been?" he asked, pulling his scrubs on. If possible, Morrigan's scowl deepened further.  
  
"How about you ask your new favorite patient?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cullen's eyebrow quirked. He hadn't seen Samson since he'd handed him over to Wynne following the physical examination. After what had happened between them, the other man appeared more docile around the female nurses.  
  
"He only bitches and moans constantly about how horribly we're treating him," Morrigan gritted out. "He demands to see _you_ and for you to be his primary nurse."  
  
"But I'm not—"  
  
"Yes, but that doesn't stop him from running his mouth constantly. Now please go see him so he finally shuts up." The fact Morrigan said please was the biggest indicator of how close she was to snapping. There was a running bet on who she would kill when she finally did. Cullen was willing to bet his next paycheck on which patient had recently taken the top spot.  
  
"I'll go see what I can do," he sighed but paused after he closed his locker. "Humor's a good sign. How's his body taking everything?"  
  
Morrigan flipped her bangs out of her eyes, not meeting Cullen's own. "He's still in the first stages. His body is currently using whatever reserves of the Lyrium it had stored, so he's improved slightly, but—"  
  
"I know what it means," Cullen reminded her. "Have you told him?"  
  
"Like he'd listen."  
  
"In other words, you left it to me right?" Cullen tried not to bang his head against his locker. Morrigan didn't look impressed.  
  
"Yes, I did. Have fun explaining the world of pain he's about to enter," she said. "You know it's for the best. This way you can coddle him and say it'll be alright and soften the blow. I would tell him the hard facts and probably crush any hope he's gained from feeling better."  
  
"Morrigan..." Cullen sighed. She was telling the truth though. Morrigan had a horrible history with talking to patients about their conditions, often times leaving the person in tears or, in one case, suicidal. Wynne or Merrill usually took on that responsibility now. Or in this case, it was Cullen's turn.  
  
"Just admit I'm right, man up, and go deal with him." Without waiting for a response Morrigan turned on her heel and left in a swish of dark hair. Cullen wanted to punch something.  
  
He made his way to the living quarters, dragging his feet and being a general coward. A part of him desperately wanted to be soft, to lie and let Samson think the worse was over but that would be giving his false hope. Cullen had once been given that and it had been the cruelest thing to receive. He would not do that to Samson, the man deserved the truth. When Cullen looked at him, he could tell the man had seen the worst parts of humanity, so maybe he could accept this harsh truth Cullen was about to dump on him.  
  
"Well well, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Cullen glanced up, he'd made it to the common room. Most patients sat in the available chairs, a few huddled around the TV to watch whatever daily movie was on. Samson, on the other hand, was practically draped across the large windowsill that framed the double pane glass looking out across the courtyard.  
  
His skin was still a sickly pale but the redness in his face and eyes had receded a great deal. If possible, Samson had lost a few more pounds but his hands didn't shake as much when he struggled to stand. Cullen made his was over with an easy smile.  
  
"I came to check on the most annoying of patients to have ever graced this clinic. So feared is he that the other nurses don't hesitate to throw me under the bus and abandon me to talk to him alone. Thankfully," Cullen winked, "I happen to not mind his company."  
  
"That so?" Samson snorted, eyes drifting up and down Cullen's body. "Sounds like a mistake."  
  
"Possibly," Cullen agreed. "You up for another physical examination?" He watched as Samson turned an interesting shade of red that and looked away.  
  
"Those hags have been watching me take a piss and shit since you left, my modesty is gone."  
  
"That part is over now," Cullen assured him. "If you had been smuggling anything it would have passed through your system by now. Are you..." He trailed off as he struggled to meet Samson's eyes. "Have you had any other problems?"  
  
"Besides feelin' like I'm dying? No." Samson bit out, but it was a lie. Cullen decided to wait until his patient felt like talking about it and led Samson back to the exam rooms.  
  
"According to your notes everything is going fairly normal, your body is reacting as predicted." Cullen commented. He opened the door and held it as Samson limped past him, wince on his face. He was curled slightly inwards, as if standing up straight hurt too much. Cullen stored the information in the back of his mind to write down later. "Though, I see you haven't been able to keep much food down."  
  
"I just throw it back up." Samson shrugged as he took off his shirt. "They got me on some nice IV drip to keep me alive."  
  
"How's the pain?" Cullen asked gently. He snapped on the disposable gloves.  
  
"It's bad, how do you think it is?" Samson seemed annoyed at Cullen's questions and threw off his pants, or tried to, but he arms lacked the strength to do more than shuck them away.  
  
"Specifics help," Cullen said as he assessed the man in front of him. "But I understand if you don't feel comfortable talking to me."  
  
"It's not..." Samson's voice cut off in frustration and he stayed silent as Cullen looked over his chest, touching lightly. He was pleased to see most of the red veins had faded away on Samson's skin and most of the bruises were gone or in the last stages of healing.  
  
"Smile." Cullen hummed and Samson just blinked at him until Cullen rolled his eyes. "I need to see your gums."  
  
"Ah." Samson not so much smiled as bared his teeth at Cullen but the blond was hardly surprised. He nodded, happy to see the cracked gums healed and heading back to a healthy pink color.

"Trouble urinating? Any pain in that area?" Cullen turned his attention further downwards.

"For a bit," Samson muttered, "once that red vein on my cock disappeared it got better."

"Good." Cullen carefully examined his flaccid member. The red vein was indeed gone, although he noted a certain rawness to the foreskin. "Any other issues? Anything you don't feel like talking to the other nurses about?"

"I..." Samson trailed off, his fingers tapping against the metal table underneath him. "Fuck, I don't know if it matters."

"It does to me," Cullen replied. He pulled his hands back but waited patiently for Samson to talk. There was a jittery quality to the man he hadn't noticed before, his eyes kept drifting to the small bathroom in the corner. "Samson?"

"Shit," the older man scrubbed a hand over his face. "It usually happens at night but, uh, I'll get so fucking hard it hurts, like my whole body is burning. It feels worse than the withdrawal shakes. It's just—well, it's not new or anything, just gotten worse recently."

"Sounds normal." Cullen nodded and Samson glared at him.

"You're _sure?_ "

Cullen resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Listen, taking the red gives you all types of lovely side-effects, increased arousal is one of them. As you became more resistant to the drug you had to take more until you were probably walking a dangerous line of overdosing. Increased arousal would turn into an insatiable need, similar to the affects of a bad reaction to Viagra. You burnt your body out—fried the circuitry, so to speak—your body no longer remembers how to get a natural erection so it, uh, misfires as such." He pointed to the rawness around Samson's member that he'd noted before. "I'm assuming this was done from you trying to deal with the problem?"

"Yeah," Samson coughed, turning his face away from Cullen. "Didn't help tho'."

"I'm not surprised," Cullen hummed. "Can I check something?"

"Uh, sure—"

"I'm going to have to massage your penis," Cullen interrupted, "that's why I'm asking. It—mmmm—it might stimulate you."

"Oh." Samson continued to look away from Cullen, as if he couldn't deal with the image of the younger man sitting inches away with his hands so close to his cock. He shrugged, movements jerky and strained. "You've already seen me at my worst. I'll try not to kiss you again."

"You weren't _that_ bad." Cullen laughed and watched as Samson's eyes snapped to his. "Sad as this is to say; I've had worse kisses. Far worse. Oh wow, that's depressing to think about. Let's move on." He gently gripped Samson's flaccid member and smoothly started to press against the skin and feel for any irregularities within the blood vessels or urethra. Cullen bit his bottom lip as he concentrated more, lost in his actions and feeling with his hands more than looking. He started at the base and slowly dragged his fingers up. He barely blinked as the flesh grew hot and started to stiffen, taking the opportunity to notice if there were any differences.

"Sorry if I'm being too rough," he commented as he squeezed down harder than was pleasurable for most people. "Just have to feel for—"

"It's _fine_ ," Samson grunted. Cullen finally looked up and wasn't surprised to see the man's face twisted in pleasure, fingers white as they gripped the table and breathing erratic. "Shit— _god_ —you are so gentle." He was clearly holding himself back this time from jumping Cullen, but it was a close thing. Something in Samson's eyes were desperate and it made Cullen's chest hurt. He shook it off and gave a crooked grin.

"I don't think I'd call what I'm doing gentle." He punctuated his words by pinching the tip of Samson's cock between his fingers and found what he was looking for, internally sighing. Samson, on the other hand, drew a ragged breath at the motion and let a low whine slip from his throat, teeth bared as his hips jerked involuntarily. Cullen withdrew his hands and Samson nearly collapsed.

" _Oh you fucking tease, you little cunt_ —" The older man dragged a hand across his face as he fell back against the table. Cullen let him curse, knowing the man wasn't really upset with him just venting his frustrations as a few minutes later Samson took a deep breath and calmed down. He sat back up and glared at Cullen, erection still a dark (too dark) red and laying stiff against his thigh. "Well I hope _you_ at least had fun."

"No, I prefer to watch my partners release." Cullen replied as he pulled out a clipboard and started quickly scribbling notes down. He grinned at Samson splutter but it died away as he realized what needed to be done. "It wouldn't matter anyways, I figured out what's happening to you." Cullen leaned forward and tapped the clipboard against Samson's knee. "You're crystallizing."

"What?"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil cliffhanger is evil? lol 
> 
> I'm sorry, apparently I like ending my chapters right after Cullen has politely molested Samson. Next chapter gets a bit kinky. Thanks to all the people who reviewed this piece, I'm glad so many other people like this pairing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH GOD GUYS I'M SO SORRY. One, for taking so long to do this, but also the amount of mistakes that are probably in this chapter. I literally just sat down for a few hours straight and busted this out. No beta, no nothing, only raw first draft writing. So I'm really sorry for any mistakes you find. If you want to point them out you can, I'll try to go over this chapter the next few days and make corrections regardless, but I really wanted to get this out right now.
> 
> Enjoy! Kinky stuff ahead.

* * *

"Stop! What are you doing? Don't call that old hag!" Samson practically threw himself at Cullen as the blond reached to press the emergency button.

"I have to! It's a medical emergency!" Cullen grunted as Samson clung to his side, trying to drag him down but he managed to press the red switch anyways. "If we don't do something now we'll have to amputate."

"What?" Samson let go, eyes fearful as he fell back against the table. He looked down at his body and back to Cullen again. "What did you mean crystallizing? I thought it was good that those red veins were gone? You said—"

"It  _is_  good," Cullen snapped back, then sighed and took a deep breath. "But instead of dissolving into your bloodstream the excess red lyrium around your genitals has started to crystallize. That's dangerous.  _Very_  dangerous. And its what's exacerbating the constant stimulation and painful erections."

"I thought you said it was normal?"

"It is, but not to the severity you described." Cullen put out his hands to try to calm Samson, who looked ready to bolt. "Listen—"

The door burst open and Wynne charged through.

"I'm here," she said. Samson darted away towards the door, fully naked an uncaring about it. Cullen cried out but he didn't get far as Blackwall was directly behind Wynne and grabbed the panicked man easily.

"Careful, don't hurt him," Cullen tried to get close, but Samson lashed out, terror-driven mind becoming unreasonable.

"Get off me ya bloody brick wall!" He squirmed in Blackwall's grip but that larger man only hummed in annoyance and dragged him back inside towards the examination table. Wynne's face twisted in displeasure and she looked to Cullen for an answer.

"He's started to crystallize—" Her eyes widened and she immediately spun around and put on a pair of disposable gloves.

"Right, we'll have to work fast," Wynne grabbed a plastic tray and started pulling out several different instruments. " Blackwall, please secure the patient to the table. Cullen, I need you to get prepped now, we don't have much time."

"Yes ma'am," Cullen jumped over to the sink and washed up, wincing as the cries Samson gave turned to begging as Blackwall strapped him to the table. The man was stressed and in pain, his reaction wasn't uncommon but Cullen felt rotten, wanting to explain the situation fully to try and calm him.

"Try to be gentle, Blackwall." Wynne admonished and she stepped over with a syringe. Samson tried bucking away but the padded restraints now binding him to the table held firm. "This will calm you down, son," she said, voice serene amidst his shouts and screams. Blackwall held Samson's arm still as she injected the clear liquid into him before pulling away and turning back to the tray of medical instruments she had collected.

A few seconds later Samson started to quiet, but Cullen could see the dread in his eyes. The medicine may have made him sluggish and less violent but he was still terrified. He stepped up to the table and touched the other man's shoulder, swallowing as Samson's eyes snapped to his.

"We're not going to hurt you," Cullen whispered, praying that he sounded calm and reassuring. "I'm sorry I startled you, we just have to work quickly, but you're going to be fine." Samson's breath evened out slightly as Cullen maintained eye contact even if it made him break out into a sweat. He gave a small, strained smile. "I know it feels like you have no control right now, but—"

"Cullen, we need to start now." Wynne's voice was clipped and Cullen saw Samson's eyes dilate and his breathing become shallow again.

"Just—" He struggled to breath, to get the words past his lips. "What're you gonna do to me?" Cullen didn't realize his hand had slipped down to grab Samson's own, fingers intertwining and squeezing tight. The other man's voice was pathetic, dripping in anxiety and fear.

"Cullen,  _now_."

A fire sparked inside Cullen's chest and he gritted his teeth. "One moment, please Wynne. I'm just trying to calm the patient. It'll make things easier for all parties." He could feel the older woman's stern glare and his back but shrugged it off. "Listen, Sam, all we're going to do right now is break up the forming crystals in your body. It might be a little uncomfortable but it shouldn't hurt too much. We do this now and it'll save us from having to amputate later down the line."

"Can  _you_...do this, whatever yer gonna do?" The hand around Cullen's had clamped down like a vice, trembling, but Cullen didn't mind.

"I'll be helping, I'll be here the entire time. I won't be out of your sight. We don't really have a choice, we do this now or you get to take a trip to the hospital."

Samson squeezed his eyes shut, entire body covered in a fine sheen of sweat and shaking. Cullen distantly noticed that his erection hadn't gone down and he shot a worried look to Wynne who only raise an eyebrow in impatience.

"Yeah, ok." Samson let go of Cullen's hand and finally sagged against his bonds, resigned to what was about to happen.

"Thank you," Cullen smiled in relief and turned back to Wynne as she wheeled up with her tray, standing on the opposite side of the table.

"Where's he crystallizing?"

"Genitals." Cullen pointed to the section where he'd felt the hard mass in Samson's penis. Wynne felt in the area, fingers probing and nodded.

"Don't touch me—" Samson began but Wynne shot him a withering look.

"It could be in a more troublesome spot," she said and extracted her hands. "You know what I'm talking about, but this shouldn't be too invasive. You can hold him steady while I insert and calibrate the vibrator."

"Agreed—"

"What did she say?" Samson bucked slightly and Cullen held his hips down as Wynne turned to her tray and pulled out a long, thin metallic device with small knots running through it.

"Um," Cullen tried to think of the best way to explain the situation. "Have you ever heard of sounding?" Samson froze under his touch and even though he didn't answer, Cullen did notice his erection twitch and turn, if possible, a deeper shade of red.

Well, that was interesting.

"Hold him steady, dear." Wynne finished her adjustments and coasted the device in clear lubricant. Cullen reached up to grip the base of Samson's cock in one hand and the tip in his other. The man below him gasped and thrust up slowly, apologies tumbling from his lips but not trying to stop either. "When I turn it on—"

"I know, I know." Cullen sighed and squared his shoulders. Wynne placed the tip of the vibrator against the slit of Samson's cock and his hips stuttered, breath growing ragged and she pushed in.

Cullen had tried many things in his sordid life—sounding, one of them—and while he wasn't too into it himself, watching it happen to someone else had always been...fascinating. And he was at  _work_  of God's sake.

The shiny metal of the device slowly sunk into the tip of Samson's cock, smooth and glistening with lubricant until one of the bumps halted progress. Wynne pushed gently and with a slick noise the bulge of metal was enveloped by flesh. Samson had been quiet until that point, breath strained and baited but with that small movement he groaned loudly. His back arched and fingers clawed at the table. Cullen had to use his forearms to hold Samson down while his hands gripped tightly to the heated flesh.

Each time Wynne pushed past one of the knots Samson would thrash, noises incoherent as his entire body convulsed. Cullen had been worried at first until he had notice the man's nipples were hardened nubs, his testicles drawn up tights against his body, and precome had started to leak from the tip of his weeping cock. Cullen glanced up at Wynne but she was far too absorbed in her work to notice—which just meant Cullen was unprofessional as shit.

"Sam, you good?" he asked in an attempt to distract himself, but it was a mistake. Samson's eyes, which had been squeezed shut in pleasure, snapped wide open and focused with startling clarity on Cullen.

" _Fuck, kid, don't stop_ ," he choked out and threw his back as Wynne pushed in an even larger knot of metal. Cullen felt it slide underneath his fingers and tightened his grip in response, making Samson cry out and jerk his hips.

"Steady, please Cullen." Wynne finally remarked and Cullen tried to nod. He was probably just making things worse.

The older woman finally pulled back, device fully sheathed with Samson. Cullen swallowed harshly as he took in the sight; Samson's cock a dark red and stiff, only the very tip of the metallic device showing anymore, soaked in lubricant and precome, the outline of the knots able to be seen easily along his shaft. Samson's eyes were glued to the sight as well, chest heaving as he bit his bottom lip so hard it had started to bleed.

"Do you want something to bite on, dear?" Wynne asked and it shook Samson out of his stupor. "I can get you something to help. It's about to get worse." The fear flickered back in Samson eyes and Cullen felt his heart ache.

"I'll take the pretty blonde's lips on my cock, that'd help."

And Cullen no longer felt bad. He sent Samson a sharp glare and cleared his throat loudly. Wynne, of all people, gave a small smile.

"Humor's good, you're handling this very well. Now take a deep breath," she turn to Cullen. "Get ready to hold him down properly, Blackwall you too." Cullen had nearly forgotten about the large man standing behind them all. He lumbered over and placed his hands on Samson's shoulders. Wynne grabbed the tip of the vibrator in her hand and flicked the dial at the top. The vibration wasn't a gradual buildup; one second Cullen's grip was steady and sure, the next he almost couldn't keep his hands on Samson anymore with how powerful the vibrations were.

Samson, for his part, went into shock first, body unable to adjust quickly enough before he started screaming, body thrashing wildly on the table. The slight drip of precome became a constant dribble as he tried to orgasm several times and Cullen was forced to tighten his grip until it had to be painful.

"You must hold him steady!" Wynne shouted over Samson's cries, having grabbed his legs. "Hold him down until you feel the crystals break up."

"I know!" Cullen yelped as Samson gave a violent twist with his hips. It was a struggle for even the three of them to hold one man steady, Samson's body beyond his own control.

"Take it out— _fuck, get it out! Please!_ " Samson screamed desperately. "I can't fucking cum—please Cullen! Gotta release, it hurts so good  _please!_ " His words turned into outright begging and pleading and Cullen tried to fight back his own emotions. He tried to think of something to say.

"Come on, you got this man." It sounded false even to his own ears and Cullen inwardly groaned. Samson remained unresponsive and continued to struggle, bucking up into his hands and cock starting to purple at the built up blood in it, becoming even more excruciating.

" _Sorry, sorry_." Samson started to repeat over and over again. "Promise to be good next time, please jus' let me cum— _god, please_." Cullen didn't want to know what type of life Samson had lived to think he needed to say those words, didn't want to know what past horror he was caught up in, but an idea came to him anyways and he latched on.

"Shut up!" he yelled out, startling both Wynne and Blackwall. Cullen made his voice steel as he dredged through dark memories of his own. Of what his supplier had yelled to him when he had grown shameless in his begging. "You'll cum when I say you can! Keep screaming and I'll leave you like this!"

" _Cullen_ —" Wynne looked so shocked it was almost funny and Cullen knew he'd never live this moment down, but Samson's mouth clamped shut and he quieted, whining as his body was over stimulated but no longer screaming.

 _'Sorry.'_ Cullen mouthed to the older nurse and nearly slipped as Samson jerked underneath, tears spilling from his eyes now as his balls shuddered against Cullen's hands, trying to ejaculate but unable to.

"Have the crystals broken up yet?" Wynne asked after another tense few minutes. If they didn't dissolve soon it meant the lyrium had fully hardened and they would have no choice but to amputate. Cullen felt along the tip of Samson's cock, where he'd felt the dense formation of something solid under the skin. Samson buckled underneath him at the pressure, a sob finally escaping him, and Cullen released a long breath.

"It's all dissipated, I can't feel any abnormalities."

"Thank goodness," Wynne reached over and shut off the vibrator. Samson sagged against his bindings, gasping at the abrupt change.

"I'll remove it." Cullen offered and gripped the end of the metal rod. He lifted carefully and gently withdrew it from Samson, or tried to, but with a violent twist Samson snapped his hips to the side and with a sucking noise the vibrator popped free as come spurted out violently across Samson's chest and abdomen.

Cullen kept a tight grip on his cock and helped him ride through his orgasm, letting the man repeatedly thrust into his clenched fist. He should have let go, let Samson's body deal with itself as everyone stared at him, but Cullen acted on impulse in that moment and stayed where he was.

" _Nngh_ ," Samson grunted as his body finally finished and he started coming back to himself. Cullen quickly let go and handed the vibrator over to Wynne. She set it back on the tray and started to disinfect it immediately. Blackwall undid the restraints binding Samson to the table before respectfully stepping back.

"Sam?" Cullen asked, voice neutral and his heart thudding painfully against his chest. Samson looked down at himself, dried come and sweat covering him, and then around the table to all three people watching.

"It was successful," Wynne told him. "The crystallizing lyrium was cleared from your body, you don't have to worry about amputation." It also meant Samson's body had no more reserves of the red lyrium anymore and things would only get worse, but thankfully the elderly nurse left that part out.

"That was..." Samson paused, voice ruined and rough. His hands started to tremble and he turned on his side, curling slightly in on himself. "I feel like I'm gonna be sick."

"Cullen, help him up and let's get him to a shower." Wynne stepped over to a side room where Cullen knew an emergency shower unit was, an entire gurney and medical team could fit in there.

Cullen took a step back. "I-I don't think he wants me to touch him." Not after everything that just happened. Samson probably didn't want to be touched by anyone right now.

"'S fine," Samson quickly muttered. His arms shook as he tried to raise himself to a sitting position. "Don't mind if it's you."

"You're sure?" Cullen asked, still nervous. "That was...intense. If you need a minute—"

"Just help me up—shit, kid."

"S-sorry." Cullen sprang forward and slung one of Samson's arms around his neck and pulled the other man up. They made slow, tottering steps towards the shower and Cullen was pretty much carrying Samson, but Wynne pulled up a plastic stool for him to sit on and patted the blond man on the shoulder.

"I'll leave this to you," she said. "I'll clean up the room and write a report. Make sure he gets back to his room and try to get him to eat something."

"Of course," Cullen nodded. Wynne walked out and closed the door behind herself and Samson released a long breath that sounded too close to a sob for Cullen's liking. He twisted around and pulled on the shower lever, blinking as a spray of warm water rained down on them both.

"You'll get wet," Samson stirred and looked up at Cullen as he kneeled down so they were level.

"It's just standard issue scrubs." Cullen shrugged and pulled forward a bucket of supplies from the corner of the room. In it were a sponge that he generously lathered with soap. "I'll change into new ones once we're done, no big deal. Think you can wash yourself or you want me to?" Samson's eyes flicked up and down Cullen's body, as his scrubs now clung tightly to his skin.

He looked down at his hands. "Don't fuck around, kid. My hands are shaking so bad and it's a struggle just to sit straight." Cullen felt his face go red.

"S-sorry, I just—"

"Stop apologizing too, you ain't done nothing wrong." Samson leaned forward until his forehead was resting against Cullen's shoulder, shaking even harder than before. "I'm just shit with words, always have been."

"It's alright," Cullen tried to assure him. He reached forward and ran the sponge down the older man's back, his other hand unconsciously going up to cradle Samson's head against him. "You're in a lot of pain right now, it's ok to verbally lash out. It's just hard to tell how comfortable a patient's going to be with touching after...well..."

"You could charge a fortune for shows like that," Samson chuckled. "You know how many sick bastards would get off having that type of shit done to them."

Cullen raised an eyebrow. "You didn't seem like you were hating it."

"Never said I wasn't a sick bastard." Cullen felt as one of Samson's hands slid down his thigh and he yelped, unable to pull away without his patient tumbling forward. He felt Samson's smile against his neck. "And you seemed like you liked the show."

"You're just imagining things," Cullen huffed and batted the offending hand away from himself. "You're my patient, I can't allow myself to get attached."

"Bullshit." Samson grabbed Cullen's hand that was currently scrubbing at his chest. It was a weak grip, but Cullen stopped and looked up at Samson's eyes. A hint of red lie in them as he glared at Cullen. "I know nothing can happen between us—I know," he swallowed, "I know what I fucking look like: barely like the man I used to be, a burnt out shadow. I know, but just don't lie to me, that's all I ask. Been lied to enough in my life."

"I—" Cullen put the sponge down. They both sat for a moment, listing as the water clattered around them. "That's fair." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck again and refused to meet Samson's eyes. "Don't repeat this, please, but... _maybe_  I enjoyed the show."

"Knew you were just as twisted as me, boy scout." Samson bared his teeth in a victorious grin that faltered as Cullen's face dropped. "I-I mean, not as bad as me—I'm a fucking mess you're—"

"I've been where you are." Cullen cut him off and lowered his eyes to stare at the wet tile floor. "I remember looking in the mirror one day and not recognizing myself, being  _disgusted_  at what I saw." He felt Samson flinch next to him and knew he'd hit his mark. "I remember thinking there was probably nothing left to save, nothing worth saving, at least. I remember sobbing in my room, locked to the bed and unable to do anything but scream as my body burned. I remember puking so much that dry heaving became a regular thing in my life." He scratched at his wrists where old scars had faded. "I remember trying to kill myself the pain was so intense. Most importantly, I remember being alone the entire time."

Samson had gone incredibly still. Cullen lifted up his shirt to trace dark and raised scars across his abdomen. "I wasn't as lucky as you. I  _did_  crystallize, and I lost my appendix and a kidney. More than that, I lost my family to shame and denial. So yeah, I'm pretty fucked up too—like you, but I shouldn't lie to you. That's not what you need in your life right now."

"I'm sor—"

"So yeah, I probably like you more than I should." Cullen kept going, not wanting to hear apologies. "And a small part of me totally enjoyed the show. Nothing really can happen between us, I'd be taking advantage of you and you're not in the best mindset, but fuck if I can't keep my eyes off you. So there, happy now?"

Cullen finally looked up, met Samson eyes and tried not to wince at the devastated look he received. He was already going to hell at this rate, adding a little more to his list wouldn't hurt.

"I'm gonna be sick." On autopilot Cullen dumped out the bucket of supplies and handed it to Samson, who grabbed it and retched, but nothing came out. He made a few more pained sounds and Cullen rubbed soothing circles on his thigh.

"Just keep breathing, you'll get through this," he hummed quietly. "I'm here."

"Even after all that, you're still here." Samson choked out, wiping his mouth.

"Yeah."

"Well fuck," Samson laughed, "I'm such a sad sack of shit next to that."

"You're not." Cullen said. "You've just been through a lot."

"How do you even stand to look at me, kid?"

"I don't think you're as horrifying as you imagine. The messy hair and stubble suit you well, the circles under your eyes will fade in time." Cullen left his hand on Samson's thigh. "If it makes you feel better, I'm less attracted to looks and gender and more to a personality type."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I've got a bad habit of falling for troublemakers. Assholes who have a way with words and a spirit for danger. It's a really bad combination. It's caused most of the problems in my life."

"Why don't you change?" Samson looked down at Cullen's hand. The younger man shrugged.

"I've met some nice assholes too."

Within the blink of an eye Samson had thrown himself at Cullen and their mouths met in a clash. Cullen made a small muffled cry as he tipped backwards and found Samson draped over him, tongue molesting his mouth with desperate motions. Instead of fighting Cullen mentally sighed and gave in, relaxing and letting Samson have his way in one small part of all this. It continued for several minutes until the older man pulled back, breathing harshly and trembling.

"C'mon kid, gotta give and take here. Don't wanna feel like I'm raping you or something."

"Sorry," Cullen brought his hand to the small of Samson's back as he sat up. "I'm not sure what to do without feeling like I'm taking advantage of you, just figured letting you take the reigns would be safer." Samson nuzzled against Cullen's neck and shoulder, almost animalistic in the way he licked a path up to Cullen's mouth.

"Shit sweetheart, you ain't taking advantage of nothing. Or, at least, nothing that doesn't want to be taken advantage of."

"Meaning?"

"This old dog likes to be held down and fucked senseless, likes being strapped to a table and played with,  _likes_  getting taken advantage of. The more I trust a person, the more I want them to dominate me."

" _Uhh_." Cullen pushed Samson off himself gently as his cock swelled at the other man's words. That was...ok he hadn't expected that. He drew in a ragged breath and slapped Samson's hand away as it tried to fondle him through his soaked scrubs. "Anyone ever complain about how terribly attractive your voice is?"

"A few times," Samson reached his hand out again and Cullen sent him a look of death. His confidence stuttered and his hand fell the to floor. "I-I thought—"

"I'm  _not_  going to have sex with you on the bathroom floor." Cullen said. "You don't want me to lie? Fine. I'm alright with kissing, but until you get healthy again consider sex off the table."

"You..." Samson looked so shocked it was almost funny. "You monster."

"That's right." Cullen responded briskly as he stood up and turned off the shower, holding out his hand for Samson to grab. "Consider it an incentive to get through the next two weeks."

* * *

 


End file.
